Re: I’d Do Anything (GLEE SPOILERS)
Blaine finally looked back at Kurt. He never should have said anything to make the other feel bad, it just made him feel terrible, on top of the horrible he already felt. Though, maybe it was worth it. Kurt was talking now, more than blaming him. Though, Blaine knew he needed to be blamed.
He looked away again when Kurt spoke of judgement errors. Blaine’s was worse. At the word ‘cheated,’ he tried to sink into the couch again. And, when Kurt said that he didn’t feel important anymore, Blaine’s eyebrows scrunched together and he shook his head very slightly. He took a deep breath at that key phrase, flashing back to when Kurt had originally said it, and he had to hold off the urge to let loose with the tears again. But, at least Kurt still thought considered him special.
“I don’t even know if you should bother giving me the time of day anymore, after all of this. I mean,” he paused to laugh in the strangest way, “who wants to be with someone who can’t control their emotions. Or their actions?” He shook his head and glanced to Kurt.
“I love you. I will never stop loving you, for as long as I live. I am so sorry about… the cheating thing.” The last part was whispered, and he couldn’t meet Kurt’s eyes as he said it, but he did look back afterward. “I just… I was so lost. I still am,” he said, covering his forearm with his other hand. “I know that you’re still mad at me, and you have every right to be, but I hope you can at least forgive me. Even if you don’t forget.
“I know that I will never forgive myself for what I did to you. Never. I- there aren’t even words to explain how terrible I feel for doing that to you. It wasn’t even worth it. On any level. Just, can you please not hate me anymore? I don’t think I can handle that.”
Probably, that was the most true thing he’d said yet, and his eyes were pleading. It was the reason behind the scars on his arm. The reason his heart was so heavy all the time. Blaine was a terrible person. In his mind, and in everyone else’s too. And, he wasn’t sure he’d ever felt this low.